I feel insecure and I don't know why I had a sudenly fear of losing you. I don't know what might be coming but I feel like I can't take any chances right now, like i'm trying to close my fingers as hard as can so my life won't slip through it.
I know I'm pressuring you, I know I'm being very pushy and I know it's not the best way to keep you around but I just cannot help it. I'm so very sorry that you have to, once again, pay for all the shit I got into and those I think I am but don't even exist. That's how my sytem goes on and as much as I don't like it I'm not strong enough to change it.
I wish I could ask you to be patient and hold on to me and be with me as long as we shall live but I know I don't have the right to do it. I've already asked for too much from you, so I just HOPE that you love me and be patient once and again with me
I'm not willing to lose you because of the fear of losing you. weird as it sounds.