17:57

the sky is getting pink out of my window. soon it will be dark and all my fears and insecurities will resurface im my chest
all that agony and all the nasty pain will be my only companies another night.
I don't know how am I supposed to feel when it seems like I have it all is going down the drain. seems like i'm losing it again and that's not good, not at all. i don't wanna be without my clutches because i believe no one can live alone. no one, no matter how they pretend they're doing okay, deep down inside they're nowhere close to okay,
i'll keep fighting until the very end
i'm not going to give up. i swear i won't..

then the rainbow fades away.
and I realize there is no such luck.
no such luck for me

another one

and after the storm there's always the rainbow, isn't there? so it seems mine is already shining.

there he came, smile placed reaching his happy shiny eyes, he kissed me and gave me a little dark chocolate, i thanked with a depper kiss. we left the open space to find somewhere we could be more confortable. 2 hours. it had been a while since the last time I felt that good. maybe he really likes me
I really hope this time I'm gonna get it right. I will

and when I try to show you how impossible it is just to think of believing you do not care you keep telling me to shut up.
but how can you trust me and feel confortable when you don't like me. it does not make sense. period.

everyday, everytime we're together you show it, but you keep pretending i'm not what's best for you.
maybe i'm not, really.
maybe, just maybe,

but I love you, that's for sure

I'm so damn happy today, *-*
i'm going to do my tattoo next week *__*

savior

but again when you look back in my direction you'll finally notice I'm not here anymore.

I'm gone for so long but it seems you can't grasp it and I keep wondering and wondering when are you going to ask where I ended up.

I keep hoping you'll give yourself the effort to look for me and check if I'm okay. I keep praying for you to ask me to come back to you because this is everything I ever wanted. everything I'll ever want but will you do it?

again I'm sitting here writing these things you will never read, things you'll never know about. things you don't care about. or pretend so.

am I someday going to get an answer? because you keep pretending this is who you really are when you're not, this is what you like when you're only trying to disguise your pain, this is where you want to be when it's only a scape but you're getting each and every day farther and farther away and then you'll finally reach the end when you won't be able to find yourself again and you won't believe me when I tell you who you used to be.

let me be the one who saves you every day from the pain that you're in. let me be your savior, let me save myself from the burden of letting you die and doing nothing to stop it.

down and up and down again

as if nothing had ever happened I went to talk to him. and he treated me like nothing had ever happened, let alone the last weeks. we're fine. we're okay. we're not great but surely as well as we can.

looks like every single detail is finally falling into place, looks like it all is going to work out right this time and I'm fighting to keep it going, to keep it up, I'm not planning to give anything up. not really. I may give it a time like I did before but surely I'm not giving up.

I wish I could feel this good forever. Wish I could be this okay until the very end.