you know how I'm just plain easy to upset, to depress, to drive insane.
it gets harder every fucking day to keep on going, to keep on moving along with the acknowledgement that I'm losing the most important thing in my life. love. I know i might wake up in a week to find out it was just PMS or another weird hormone striking on my nerves but right now if I put my hands palm up in front of me I'll see it all. I'll notice all my love slipping away.
All my hopes, all my desires, all my reasons (the wrongs and the right ones), all my feelings, all my justification, all my needs and fulfillments are running uncontrollably away from me, running far far away, running so very far away, running so fucking far away from me. I'm losing sight of them. I'm losing hold on them. I'm losing all of them, losing all of it, losing all of me
and then again we're not sure how to proceed. we don't know what to do. we don't know where we are. we don't know what we are and "are we ever gonna get this right? are we ever gonna start making sense and stop pretending that we care?" or stop pretending that we don't?
Is there anything at all I'm still able to do to save me from myself? or do I still have to save me from myself or from you? or from us or from everything? do I have to save myself from something, anything at all?
will I be able to survive another crisis of mine?
I do hope so. and I hope it will stop someday and leave me the hell alone.